2. For fun!

We got holidays for 4 days which is like a surprise to us, to enjoy our un – interesting yet fun lives. We were talking about how we spent the holidays,when one of my friend who we decided to call her as Incredible Ikshuda :inspiration from Amazing Amy( gone girl movie ref.) told me that she cleaned her closet. Which was shocking, because the last thing in my bucket list of to do things on a holiday would still not be to clean my closet. I don’t even remember last time cleaning it and I told her I wouldn’t be surprised to find new creatures or a ghost in it. Which led to another topic because we were jobless. I said I would be friends with it and we could add it in her group. To scare our classmates.

This is dumb…I know but we were jobless. We tried to name it and one of my friend who I decided to call her as Pixie ( no she is not fairy…not even close to one) wanted to name it but needed it’s gender. She wanted to name her Amy but I was against the idea because we didn’t know it’s gender and Amy is definitely a girl’s name and we couldn’t assume that. Yup even ghosts have rights! Yes we all are perfectly healthy individuals this discussion was only risen because we were bored and not delusional anyways I went away for a minute and they started roasting me that I went back to write my poems for the blog…I mean PRIORITIES. Then Pixie came up with this amazing, non creative, non predictive poem

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Our ghost is sue.

Well she wanted to be famous in blogging world and asked me to put this non creative poem. Well here you go. In the end we did not name our ghost. Incredible Ikshuda was too cool to take part in this discussion she was a just an audience btw. We have a group chat which is named “ hi is” we are not proud of it and pixie just randomly came up with it. We wanted to change the group name but in the end after racking our heads we didn’t come up with one. We have “ S.I.A” as an option. We came up with it like all non creative people we just added our names first letters.

Well this is about ghost friend who will did not name yet. Any suggestions would be great and also I wanted to write a post on a topic which I don’t remember now. Dumb me who thought I would remember without noting it down. Lol

-Lilac.

Tears to pearls

Hurts to see my tears turn to pearls for you

Even if I try,try to runaway

You have a power over me like a hurricane

You turn my life upside down, wreck me to parts

Hurts to see the other person win

Even if I know I am more deserving

Who is to deserve?

What is to deserve?

No one knows

Changes from person to person

Eye to eye

Like the lines on our hands

Cannot use the tears which turned to pearls.

– Lilac.

Quartz eyes

Blazing sun in the darkness
Quartz crystals as my eyes, diamonds and pearls were in disguise
Pins and needles all over, walked through the fire
To sit on the souls of the predecessors.


Who knew when the black swan turned white?
Who knew the ying of my yang dominated me?
Stars aligned as a heart, guiding me to the new horizon
Will I survive no one knew but the quartz eyes led me through
The polar star in the North, I knew this wasn’t enough


There comes a brave knight with a dagger in his hand and courage in his heart
His yang was greater than mine, the fire was soaring high
At last I lost my quartz eyes, but the funny thing is
I recognised pearls and diamonds in my demise.

-Lilac.

Coincidentally

As a person who does not generally believe in coincidence loved the movie which was filled with coincidences and how their life changed with our narrator “time”. This is about a movie I have seen yesterday it touched my heart in so many ways that I would like to mention some out of the many things I like about it.

Well I liked the way how the movie was unpredictable like the main lead. You don’t know where the movie goes until the end…until then it’s just a web of stories of different people connected to a single person.

I liked the old couple who were searching for each other in the movie apparently they never spoke a single word but just fell and talked with their eyes which is pretty different from present day scenario it showed no lust but sadly they had to part because the female’s parent were furious about the word “love”. This was the most common case in previous generation because people were pretty conservative and it also shows how the parents played a huge role in locking the happiness of a child. Even though they were separated they had been searching for each other for more than 50 years he became a post man so he could meet her hoping that one day she would open the door he knocked upon and would let him inside.

The next is about a female doctor who tried to kill her self because of the guilt which has been weighing upon her shoulder. There was a mishap in her first surgery and the baby died she was blamed for this became the talk of the town. I liked the way how they showed that media might add fuel to the fire she once got state first in her exams and it got published with crying picture but the second time when she came on news paper that is when she made a mistake in a surgery it was smiling one. This seems so insignificant yet it’s significant.

This movie has shown many feelings and stories that it is not possible to describe in my unprofessional writings I suggest to watch it. I tried not to give any spoilers it’s must watch. The movie name is “maara ” it’s an Indian movie you can find it in Amazon Prime.

– Lilac.

Personal note : when you be freely and talk with everyone and if someone gives a rude reply for a friendly question or an expression does that mean you don’t have self respect? Y do I feel like I need to constantly change myself and just be in a corner than be friendly with people…people scare me.

I am lost!

I am at crossroads am I supposed to change for who I am? Or should I just continue being like this? As a person with not so healthy school days I get very sensitive when I get hate. The hate might not be too harsh but giving rude answers when I am being friendly or ignoring me without a reason and treating me as if I am this air. I am very sensitive about this, I feel like a looser, a loner….maybe this is all in my head bed I know I have a lot of people that love me. But I just can’t help but feeling this way.

I don’t generally like troubling others so I just nod and go with everything they say even with my family. The same situation occurred day before yesterday when we were ordering food my brother had to pause and took a whole 10 minute lecture about how bad the word “alright” might turn out to be….when I mean lecture it’s just me being yelled upon. I know that no one can know what I want or what is in my head until I speak upon but I feel like I am troubling them…I am realising that asking for what you want and getting things done reduces the damage upon myself, because I have been told I wouldn’t survive if I don’t be strong, because I have been told not everyone takes consideration of other people’s feelings. I try to be like that and act cool but I just go back to my old friendly way. This is hard. I want to be a better person but I don’t want to change myself as a whole. Can I just go cry in a corner? Am I being too emotional?? Y do I act like a looser? I know this is all in my head but I just can’t help but feeling this way.

Survival is hard…..everyone fights so hard to survive that they forget to live in the present.

– Lilac.

Masks are great!

They are like the best things which have been invented like you curse someone underneath the mask and they will never no. Sometimes your expressions can betray your self control over some unbelievable things people say and they will never know, you might drool over a guy when he passes by you can still save your face. Btw has this ever happened to anyone?

Masks come great handy to me especially during my chemistry period it’s like I have been possessed by the sleep spirit (*if that exists*) I yawn so much that I would have been kicked out of my class by time time if not for my mask. I constantly keep asking my bench mate if my eyes look sleepy because my sir who isn’t well mannered would make a sleepy person stand up and ask if they are sleepy. Well “duh” that explains the puddle of tears near my legs. Staying in lock down for so long there hadn’t been a need for me to censor my speech. But in school I loose my tongue for every little unexpected thing like I drop my pencil which means I have to bend my back and use my energy to pick it up it’s obvious I would curse but thankfully my mask sound proofs it. I sing songs and no one will ever know except for my bench mate who has a ton of patience and thankfully hasn’t hit my head yet. I was singing “I hate you,I love you” with my friend and I was doing what I am naturally good at being tone deaf she could not believe how offbeat i could sing a song. Well that’s talent and not many members have it, do they? It you do, sorry but you cannot beat me in singing songs offbeat.

All I meant to say is that they are many reasons masks are great and the reason “it helps in prevention of getting a virus” is not enough for some people I had to state a few more but if you are still unconvinced of putting a mask on while covering your nose and mouth then I would ask you to visit a therapist and also stop reading fake news. Well this is for people who are perfectly alright and face no problem with a mask on but for people who have breathing problems this isn’t to hurt you while I do suggest not stepping out because there is a second wave of COVID. Hope everyone are safe and healthy. Spread love.❤️

-Lilac.

Sorry I don’t have enough time to proof read it so if there are any mistakes please turn a blind eye and also would love to know how everyone’s life has changed in lockdown or any fun story which occurred or how masks helped you guys…like anything is fine.😂

I feel useless!

I feel useless. I have always felt this way. I have always felt that I need to prove my worth for everything I ask for. I did not want to be a brat that takes things for granted and I still am. But the only difference is that I was able to prove my worth back then but not now. I knew I couldn’t dance nor sing only thing I could do was read and I was happy about it. Times have changed its only been a year and yet so much difference. I used to stand at the top and now I am at the bottom. It’s like I am throwing all my efforts into garbage since childhood. Apparently it is most important to score now than what I did in my past. My past achievements have vanished into thin air.

Wondering if this “life” is worth it. I feel like I am not making up to the love i have received and I am trying my best to become worth it.

I understood that I have been working too hard to prove that I am worthy of this life, I forgot to live. If we don’t show self love to ourselves then we are truly useless because life is all wrong balancing things of. And everytime u feel useless remember that u are the reason for a person’s smile. You are precious.

I was feeling all down yesterday and useless I know I am not but I couldn’t help it. My best frnd had the same feeling day before yesterday and I consoled her and I was feeling the same yesterday. Sometimes we couldn’t help but feel this way. So I hope this post acts as a reminder that you are precious for the people who have been feeling down.

– Lilac.

( i didn’t edit the post so don’t mind the errors)

Dear chem!

Dear chemistry, you are a big mystery to me. I hope you find your own weight as I hate checking even my own. I hope you complete your reactions since I don’t even know my next action. Every single time I feel like I know you, you prove me wrong by using the word “exception”. How many colours do you change every single day when you get excited? You expect me to remember all your families and elements names when I don’t even know how many members are there in mine. You make feel physics is better than you. I hope you correct your drawbacks in every theory of yours before you come ask me to read you.

As they say we must let others taste their own medicine I am looking forward to the day I could feed you CYANIDE. I hope you remember that you are just work of some over imaginative scientists and you are not real. But used extensively in daily life. Life couldn’t be without you.

Last but not least you are the salt to my coffee, ketchup to my Maggie. I think you understood that we are not compatible now go find a life. Every single day you add extra members to my hate list.

Your hater

Lilac.

1. For fun!

These are some fun instances in my classroom which I find funny.

As we studied a whole year in online classes and its only been a month since we started offline we are not familiar with each other so I was sitting alone and reading biology when a guy who sat before me started conversing with me. That was actually my second time speaking with him the first time was very short and this time we talked about dramas and he suggested me some web toons to read everything was going smoothly and out of nowhere I repeat OUT OF NOWHERE he asked me why do I have dark circles?😂 That is like the most weirdest thing to say to someone u spoke for the second time. I did not know how to explain that naturally my eyes look like that and I don’t think he would understand either…Since my eyes are comparatively a little dark they look like that. I do t even know how to explain it I feel like I am making it only weirder 😂 (if thats a word) feel free to let your run wild and think of a weird face.

The second weird conversation with the same guy. *sighs*

I was writing the work given by my Chem sir…I mean the whole class started writing in break because everyone forgot about it. I was writing and he was behind me we were conversing about the work and OUT OF NOWHERE I repeat OUT OF NOWHERE. He asked me if I had dandruff. I was stuck. My friend who was beside me stopped writing and looked at me with disbelief. I started laughing out loud like a mad cow. It was super funny who goes and asks people if they have dandruff after a while controlled smiling I asked him “ Who in the whole wide world would ask a girl about her dandruff?” I was still laughing at that point he explained that his mom asked him to bathe every two days because of dandruff so he asked if my mom asks me to do the same. I gave silent ooh and went back to my work giggling. And that is how his name has been turned to “Dandruff” by me and my friend when we converse.

We call our track 2 chem sir as “Rap star”. They tell two lessons simultaneously. I swear to god he is a living meme. I have never seen such a person in my life and I am sure I will never will. With no exaggeration he could literally beat Eminem because he tells the lesson so damn fast. He expects us to catch up with his speed because we are “elite”. He is so lazy that he catches the marker with the end tip….a five year old writes better than him and he doodles on the board. Our clean white board turns out to be a rough note at the end of the class. Later when he leaves all of us bang our heads to understand what he has written. Well this is just the tip of an ice berg, can write an essay about him.

– Lilac.

Black hole!

I feel like I have fallen into a black hole with no place to return to. Being in a constant loop which is called the circle of life. This loop never seems to end and although there are some amuse it doesn’t compare to the sadness it with holds.

I was told not everyone sleeps peacefully at night and my case is nothing special. I was told my grief doesn’t matter when compared to theirs. I must hold it in just like theirs. Because everyone are withstanding to and I must not burst.

I am not “everyone” I would like to sleep peacefully and also cry or whine when I feel pain. I don’t want to hold it in and wait until a day when I finally burst open until I am just nothing but a torn pieces of rubber. I don’t want to be mended and mixed to how they see fit. I am not a polythene which they could make. I am a human with emotions poured into my brain and not my heart. I hope I could use that without your judgemental illogical understanding statement.

Do not try to console me by telling me your pain hurts more. Do not compare our griefs. Mine is no less than yours and I really wish if u stop trying to console me because it is like rubbing salt to my wound and at the end all our griefs bring nothing but pain.

The shine and warmth of my life where are “you”. I am scared to be lost in the darkness to no where to return to. Do not push me if you can not pull me. Let me be as I am. Crying in a corner. What would u say if you see who I am now? Would you cry or feel disgusted? Would you still come near me or would you like to swap me? Tell me!

To everyone who is having a rough time I console myself telling that I am a caterpillar right now…ugly…and soon would become a butterfly that everyone would look up to if I just crawl and bear the hardships a little. I just want tell that this is just a phase which is going to end nothing stays forever and not even these problems. So just stay strong and never give up because you will turn out to be a beautiful butterfly someday. We will go through metamorphosis together ❤ .

– Lilac.

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