I am scared of reality, I want to run from the reality which says “survival of the fittest” I know it’s true but thriving to survive is meaningless if you do not feel alive. I took my exam and it’s the result I wouldn’t have ever imagined even in my dreams. First of all I am an A+ student….okay at least I was. Things took a 180 when my school people (devils) decided to ultra-filter us out. I came to the so called “elite” which is like the top section. People read like there is no tomorrow in here I tried but failed this is my third consecutive week to get my rank in last 10. I used to always score below 10 ranks. And I need to brace myself for today because there is a high chance that I would get scolded before 70 people.
I hate the fact that we are only being noticed for our grades, friendships are being broken, dreams are getting evaporated. Is this something everyone feels when you are one year away from college entrance examination? Or am I exaggerating? Anyways my principal came and told that he and all the teachers would only care about the people who get good grades….isn’t school supposed to be a place of no discrimination? My school only cares about the ranks because they have to publicise it. And then again everyone are trying to survive and everyone are trying to make a living. They push us too run too fast and it is not even possible to sit for a while because there are a ton of people who would run in your place…this is reality…so I need run even if my knees are broken. I tell myself this everyday try to push harder
Everyone were depressed about their marks a person who ranked in top 5 was depressed that he didn’t score 1st…where I was just praying I shouldn’t be scolded….lol. I might be looking like a mad woman or a thick skinned person because in the break when everyone are sad I went with a huge smile on my face and chatted about random topics with everyone. In a hope to lift my and my friends spirits up. I rarely get into fights but yesterday my classmate with a huge smirk on his face and with a teasing tone came to me and asked:”Whats with your marks?” That was the second time he spoke to him no he made a conversation with me. He doesn’t have the right to make fun of me for my marks he was supposed to know his limits when I was ranting about this to my friend she suggested a comeback ” I was trying to study like you this week and that was my result ” She also wanted to be passive agressive with him I stopped her.lol. She is amazing…all my friends are amazing.
I have a lot of protective friends which I am thankful for. Should I continue to rant about my school and my life? Or is it bothersome to read?
– Lilac
dazed world 